


sand and swingsets

by mitigates



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Chemistry jokes, College AU, Everyone else is a MAJOR side character, It's really just Akaashi and Kuroo, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, They're not that funny, establishing friendship, nerd Kuroo, roommate au, science puns, side MatsuHana - Freeform, side kagehina, side oisuga, suicide prevention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26788990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitigates/pseuds/mitigates
Summary: Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" Then he died. (Ba-dum-tss.)Akaashi reread the message three times before he realized it was a chemistry joke.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 11
Kudos: 111





	sand and swingsets

**Author's Note:**

> this idea came and went for national suicide prevention week, but I never got around to writing it. here's my imaginary world of what happens when the person that is supposed to make everyone better isn't doing that great himself.
> 
> National Suicide Prevention Hotline  
> 1-800-273-8255

“Here, you should text this number.” Bokuto handed his best friend the slip of paper with a number scrawled onto it with a soft smile.

Akaashi glanced up and squinted at him. “Why?”

Bokuto shrugged slightly, one of his shoulders gently lifting then slowly falling. “You just should. It’s one of those automated things. It helped me through some tough times.”

“One of those automated things.” Akaashi repeated slowly. He stuffed the paper into his pocket and Bokuto frowned, knowing Akaashi wouldn’t use it. 

“I’m trying-”

“I know you’re trying to help, Kou, but sometimes things just can’t be helped.” Akaashi shrugged and rested his cheek against his backpack. 

“You say that with such a sense of finality. It makes me worry.” Bokuto admitted.

Akaashi shrugged again, ending the conversation.

Bokuto loitered for a moment longer, hoping his friend would pick himself back up again (literally and figuratively) but he didn’t. Bokuto nudged Akaashi’s hand that was still stuffed in the pocket of his hoodie. “Think about using it, at least.”

Akaashi’s eyes closed as he decided 1 o’clock was the perfect time for a nap, especially in the library. The library was always so cold and nice and perfect and quiet.

When Akaashi woke up, the library was practically empty and it was dark outside. He’d gone into one of his _I’m going to take a nap but really I’m probably going to end up asleep until 2 am because what better do I have to do with my life_ moments. He wiped the drool from the corner of his mouth and sat up straight, blinking himself back into existence.

It seemed like a good night for it. 

Better night than any.

Maybe that night would finally be the night.

Maybe.

It was a little warmer than usual.

Other people might have taken hesitation as a reason not to end their life, Akaashi really only included it because he wanted the weather to be nice. If it was too hot or too cold, it might take a little longer than usual to find his body and he didn’t want to be more of a burden than he was going to be. 

It seemed like a good night, though. It really did.

Akaashi trekked the mile long walk home and stared up at the sky the entire way. He was pulling open the door to his dorms when he bumped into somebody, their glasses flying off and hitting the floor.

“M’sorry.” The other guy muttered, taking off into the night.

Akaashi stared at the sunglasses at the floor. He picked them up and was ready to call out but the guy was long gone. 

He quietly pushed open his door and ignored the quiet whispers coming from his roommate’s bed. There was somebody so very obviously hiding under the too thin too scratchy blanket. Akaashi pulled on his headphones and rolled to face the wall. As the other two got louder and more obvious, Akaashi turned the volume up for the music he was listening to.

He tried and failed to fall asleep, even after the noises behind him stopped.

He dug into the pocket of the hoodie he was still wearing and typed the number into his phone.

**hello?**

It took longer than Akaashi would have liked for a response considering it was supposed to be animated. Maybe Bokuto was handing the number out to everyone he knew. Maybe it was a popular number. Maybe it wasn’t even animated. Maybe-

_Two chemists go into a bar._ _  
_ _The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."_ _  
_ _The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too"_

**...what**

_Then he died._

_Ba-dum-tss._

Akaashi reread the message three times before he realized it was a chemistry joke. He snorted quietly and rolled his eyes.

**Seriously?**

_Did you hear Oxygen went on a date with Potassium?_

_It went...OK._

Akaashi had to muffle his laughter for that one. Stupid chemistry puns. They weren’t even funny. Akaashi plugged his phone in and set it on his nightstand but not without sending another response so he would get another dumb pun in the morning. 

Something to look forward to, at least.

+++++++

Akaashi woke up around noon. He didn’t have any classes that day. He was glad to see his roommate and noisy friend were long gone. He picked his phone off of its charged and opened his messaging app.

_A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage._

_He says, "No, I'm traveling light."_

_Organic chemistry is difficult._

_Those who study it have alkynes of trouble._

_Why can you never trust atoms?_

_They make up everything!_

Akaashi dissolved into an embarrassing fit of laughter, loud and obnoxious laughter that only he had ever heard come from his own mouth. People always told Akaashi that he was pretty so they expected everything about him to be pretty. Akaashi felt the only pretty thing about him was probably his face, and that was subjective. 

He laughed as he typed a message to the automated joke machine. He kind of needed _somewhere_ to unload.

**Fun fact: I was going to kill myself last night.  
I hoped that waiting around for another joke from this thing would be what I needed to keep me going.** **  
****That’s kind of sad, isn’t it?**

**Anyway, it’s enough for now.**

**I think.**

_Fun fact: Around 18 percent of the human body is carbon atoms._

**What is the other 82%**

_Error_

Akaashi frowned at his phone. 

_Why do chemists like nitrates so much?_ _  
_ _They're cheaper than day rates!_

Akaashi laughed quietly. Nitrates.

He went about his day randomly responding to the Chemistry Joke Machine and laughing like a deranged animal at the better ones.

_What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?_ _  
_ _"You may have graduated, but I've got many degrees."_

_Why are chemists great for solving problems?_ _  
_ _Because they always have a solution!_

_Carbon and hydrogen went on a date._ _  
_ _I heard they really bonded._

Akaashi laughed at that last one for an embarrassing amount of time. He laughed until he laid down for bed around 7 that night, deciding he was done with the day. He fell asleep to the sounds of his roommate with yet another ‘friend’.

+++++++

When he woke up the next morning to an unfortunate alarm, he was greeted to the sight of a half naked man that he did not recognize. His roommate was gone but he seemed to have left his friend. Akaashi sighed quietly as he changed for the first time in a few days, figured he’d spare his seatmate the smell of a 3 day old hoodie. 

“Hey- sorry about last night. I was drunk as fuck.”

Akaashi glanced back at the apologetic man and shrugged. “I don’t know why you’re apologizing.”

The man squinted at him and tilted his head slightly. “Wait- I thought your hair was a different color. Wasn’t it...like gray or something?”

Akaashi rolled his eyes. “I am not who you think I am.”

“So we _didn’t_ fuck last night?” The man smoothed his hair back and lifted his sheet slightly to peer down at his lower half. “Because I’m naked.”

The door opened just in time and Akaashi’s roommate strolled in.

“Oh hey, Keiji. You’re up early.”

“Class.” Akaashi jerked his thumb toward his roommate’s bed. “He doesn’t even know what you look like.”

An indignant squawk came from the XL twin behind Akaashi. “I do know what he looks like. He looks like- he looks like-” He sighed dreamily. “An angel. Fuck, you’re hot.”

Akaashi picked up his backpack and stuffed his feet into his shoes. “I thought you didn’t do sleepovers, Suga.”

Suga yawned as he fought back a giggle. “I usually don’t but-” He leaned close to Akaashi and waggled his eyebrows. “Have you _seen_ him? Look at him!” Suga also sighed dreamily and Akaashi got out of there before they went at it again.

“Suga? What’s Suga?” 

Akaashi heard the question as he walked down the hall. As he reached for the door, he ran into somebody _again_.

“M’sorry.” The taller boy muttered yet again.

Akaashi ignored it and continued onto his Creative Writing class, dreading the group project he was undoubtedly going to be thrown into. They were granted permission to take up study rooms in the library that day to “get more work done” which really meant the other could goof off as they pleased and Akaashi could edit his own paper and fake the peer reviews.

He pulled out his phone and sent a text.

**How about a pick-me-up, kind robot**

_If H2O is the formula for water, then what is the formula for ice?_

_H2O cubed!_

**Ohhhh. You can do better than that!**

_We'd give you some more chemistry jokes…_

_But all the good ones argon._

Akaashi chuckled quietly at his phone. His frequent group partner nudged him. 

“What’s so funny?” Hinata peered over Akaashi’s shoulder and waved off Kageyama’s equally prying eyes.

“Just some chemistry jokes.” Akaashi responded, unconsciously covering his screen.

“Chemistry...jokes?” Hinata tilted his head as he asked, his eyes brightening.

Akaashi nodded. “They’re mostly puns.”

Kageyama nudged Hinata and motioned to their papers. “We aren’t done-”

“Shut up, Kageyama, you didn’t even do the assignment!” Hinata retorted.

Kageyama frowned for a moment before kicking Hinata in the shin. “Shut up! I’m going to do it later!”

“Why do it later when it’s due _now_?” Hinata questioned as he reached down to rub his leg. “That hurt.” Hinata’s mouth curled downward and Kageyama started internally panicking.

“Should I- do you want me- I can- Sorry!” Kageyama started roughly massaging Hinata’s shin and Akaashi couldn’t help but stare at the way they interacted.

Hinata shrugged. “Thanks. Feels better.” Hinata leaned forward and kissed Kageyama’s forehead, earning a grunt from the raven-haired boy.

Their fourth and fifth group members simultaneously rolled their eyes. “Can you two not engage in disgusting displays of public affection?”

“Yeah. It’s gross.” They turned their noses up.

“We can’t stand it.” They crossed their arms.

“Stop.” They scoffed.

“No more.” They shook their heads.

Hinata pointed between them. “You two are literally playing footsie under the table and have been holding hands since we got in here. Don’t think we all can’t see you whispering sweet nothings to each other?”

“Sweet nothings?” Hinata shrugged and motioned to his poetry book. The lighter-haired one with the skinny eyebrows scoffed. “We are not playing _footsie_.” He spat the word out like it personally offended him.

“Exactly what Makki said. I had an itch-”

“Yes, Mattsun had an itch and I- being the gracious boyfriend that I am- helped.”

“Yup.” Mattsun agreed, popping the ‘p’.

Akaashi rolled his eyes. “I hate it here. I’m going back to my dorm. None of you are even doing anything besides flirting with each other and talking about why nobody but me did the assignment.” He stood up and stuffed his papers into his bag.

“Bye Kaashi!” Hinata waved excitedly from two feet away.

“Bye Keiji!” Makki and Mattsun spoke in unison, further disgusting Akaashi.

Kageyama was too busy falling asleep against Hinata’s thigh to notice anything was happening.

Akaashi didn’t mind that he was constantly a third, fifth, or even seventh wheel but it could get a bit annoying when he wasn’t in the mood to deal with the overt clinginess that came with being in a relationship. He didn’t fault his friends for it, only his own lonely mind. 

He stepped into the dorm and was two doors down from his own room when he collided with a body, that time Akaashi landed on his ass.

“M’sorry-” 

“HEY!” Akaashi yelled louder than he meant to and the tall body stopped and turned to look at him. Akaashi scowled and scrambled to his feet. “That’s three times.”

“What?”

Akaashi glared up at him, the few inches of height difference seeming like feet. “You have run into me three times. You- you- you are rude!”

The other man’s eyes fell to the floor and he grumbled another apology. “S-sorry. I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t really- paying attention.” By the end of the sentence Akaashi had to lean closer to make out what he was saying due to how low he was talking.

“I can’t- I can’t even hear you- what- Wait- what is-” The taller boy was fiddling with his sleeves, unintentionally showing scars that matched the ones on Akaashi’s inner-thigh. Akaashi yanked his hand back and the blush on his face spread like the guilt coursing through his body at exposing something that was his closely guarded secret. “Sorry.”

Akaashi slammed his door shut behind him, not giving the boy a chance to respond. Akaashi sprawled across his bed and pulled his phone out.

**Got anything good today?**

_What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?_ _  
_ _Separation anxiety._

Akaashi wasn’t completely understanding that one but he found himself laughing anyway. 

**Little Chemistry Joke Machine.**

**You’re my savior.**

_What is a chemist’s favorite holiday song?_ _  
_ _Oh Chemist-TREE, oh Chemist-TREE!_

Akaashi was still softly laughing when the door swung open, the tell-tale signs of tongue sucking following shoes thumping against the floor.

“Ah-ah, stop! My roommate-”

“Oh fuck- shit- fuck- sorry!” 

“We can cuddle. Let’s cuddle.”

Akaashi rolled over to face them. “Doesn’t he have- wait… is that the _same guy_ ?” Suga _never_ stuck with the same guy.

Suga scoffed. “Yes, Keiji!” Suga flopped down on his bed, half on top of one of the tallest guys Akaashi had ever seen.

“...why?”

The brunet scoffed. “First of all, I am a joy-”

“Oh, no. No, no, no- don’t open your mouth. He won’t get the appeal if you start talking.” Suga’s hand was over his flavor-of-the-week’s mouth.

Akaashi narrowed his eyes. “Who is he?”

“Oikawa.” Suga responded, tightening his grip over Oikawa’s lips. 

Oikawa finally escaped Suga’s hand and smiled brightly at Akaashi. “Oikawa Tooru. Lovely to meet the recluse Suga rooms with.”

Akaashi pulled his blanket up to his chin. “Nice to meet you. Please go have sex in your room, I want to sleep tonight.” 

“He needs to get laid-” Oikawa’s observation turned into a muffled yelp as Suga proceeded to smother him with a pillow.

Thankfully, they did _not_ have sex that night. At least not loudly.

Akaashi woke up a few days later around 4 am and decided to go for a walk. 

It was cool enough that he needed a light sweater over his t-shirt but warm enough that he chose sandals over actual shoes. He found himself walking down a dimly lit street toward a park with a swing set that was still operable. 

He stopped on the edge of the sand when he noticed someone was sitting on one of the swings. Akaashi hesitated when he looked up.

“Oh. You.” 

Akaashi stepped into the sand. “At least you’re not running me over this time.” Against his better judgement, Akaashi took a seat in the swing next to him and his too big red jacket. “What’s your name?”

The boy pulled his hood down. The boy glanced at him and Akaashi held a breath in. He was older than Akaashi thought he was, probably a year or two older than Akaashi himself. He had wild hair that hung over one of his eyes and stuck up slightly in the back. 

“Kuroo.” He cleared his throat softly. “You?”

“Akaashi.” Akaashi leaned back slightly and started swinging. 

“Sorry I kept running into you.”

“It’s fine.” Akaashi responded genuinely. It was fine. Akaashi only remembered the interactions after having seen Kuroo’s scars.

“Why are you out here at 4 am?”

Akaashi stared at the sky as he rolled his head back. “I couldn’t sleep. It happens sometimes. It was a routine to find a good night to-” Akaashi cleared his throat. “-to walk.”

“To walk?”

Akaashi nodded. “To walk.”

Kuroo gazed at him for a moment before turning away. “Me too.”

They sat there in silence, the only noise being the quiet creak of the rusted chains they swung from, until the sun started peeking over the tall buildings in the distance. Kuroo cleared his throat softly. 

“I have class...soon.”

Akaashi hummed in response. “Same.” He glanced over at Kuroo who was wistfully staring at the sand beneath his sneakers. “Hey- you should-” Akaashi pulled out his phone. “Take this number. Text it. It’s-” Akaashi laughed humorlessly. He looked up at the sky again. “I was done. I was- I was done with…” He inhaled deeply. “...breathing. That number though, I don’t know what it is- it helps.”

Kuroo wordlessly handed Akaashi his phone, an unspoken permission to put the number in. Akaashi typed it in and frowned as it started giving him an error message when he tried to save it. He hated using other people’s phones. Most phones were similar until someone handed him their phone and all of a sudden he forgets what a touch screen is. 

“It’s giving me an error but that’s the number.”

Kuroo took the phone back without looking at it and locked the screen. “Thanks.”

“See you around, Kuroo.”

As Akaashi knocked his shoes against the side of the entrance to the sandbox, Kuroo stood up and shoved his hands into his pockets. 

“Tetsurou.”

Akaashi looked up and confusion marred his normally unconcerned features.

“My name.”

Akaashi hummed again and kicked sand off of his other shoe. “Keiji.”

+++++++

Akaashi held out as long as he could without texting the Chemistry Joke Machine that was saved into his phone as _Savior_. He thought he could get by on his own but when one day started to blur into the next, increasing amounts of debilitating as the days passed, he decided he was going to get help the only way he had figured out how to.

**Give me your worst.**

Akaashi set his phone against his chest as it usually took a couple of minutes for a response but his phone chimed instantly. The smile that came naturally when he received a corny joke faded as the messages started coming.

_And I don’t even know anymore, man_

_I am probably going to switch my number or something_

_Idk what else to do._

_FUCK_

_I can’t handle this anymore_

_How am I supposed to sit here making other people laugh_

_When i can’t even fuck dude, i don’t even know what to do_

_I’m not sitting here laughing_

_I’m not sitting here smiling_

_I can’t fucking breathe_

_I don’t WANT to breathe_

Akaashi’s breath caught.

He sat up and felt hot tears slip down his cheeks and drop against his phone. 

This was too personal.

He had to respond. 

This wasn’t meant for him

Before another message could be sent, Akaashi hurriedly typed a response.

**WAIT**

**Plase**

**Wait**

**Stop**

**Stpo teting me**

**This isnt whoeer u think it is**

**Im sorry**

Akaashi’s hands were shaking as they hovered over his keyboard. Apparently, the automated chemistry joke was not so automated. It took 7 minutes for a response.

_Fuck._

Akaashi didn’t respond and _Savior_ didn’t text him again.

Akaashi found Kuroo at the swing set a few days later. Judging from the way Kuroo didn’t notice Akaashi until he was a single step in front of him, they were enduring the same struggle to hold on. Maybe it would be good to have some company in the end. 

“Tetsuro.”

He looked up and gave something that other people probably assumed was a smile. “Keiji.”

“How are you?” Akaashi knew it was a dumb question, but if he couldn’t comfort himself how the hell would he be expected to comfort others?

“M’fine. You?”

“Great.”

Kuroo huffed quietly. “You’re great, huh.” It wasn’t a question but it came out like one. Maybe a slight need for clarification.

“And you’re fine.” Akaashi challenged. 

Kuroo turned toward Akaashi and faced him head on, for the first time in their sporadic meetings. Akaashi couldn’t help but notice the soft curve of Kuroo’s eyelashes and the way his eyebrows were a little thinner than normal, like someone plucked them. Kuroo didn’t really seem like the self-grooming type but then again, Akaashi didn’t know him. At all.

Kuroo’s eyebrows furrowed together slightly and he pulled his hood up. He motioned to his face. “My roommate is into cosmetology. He wanted to practice and I was drunk.”

“They look nice.” Akaashi found himself commenting.

Kuroo raised a perfectly arched eyebrow slightly. “Thanks.”

“My roommate has probably banged everyone on this campus.”

“Even you?” Kuroo asked, still staring Akaashi down.

“Not me.” Akaashi responded, slightly annoyed but it had been his own comment.

Kuroo shrugged. “Not me either. I plan to die a virgin.”

Akaashi snorted in response. “Planning on doing that soon?”

“Dying or deflowering?”

Akaashi tilted his head slightly. “Either?”

Kuroo looked away from Akaashi. “Yes.”

Akaashi didn’t ask for an explanation and Kuroo didn’t offer one. Akaashi simply nodded and started swinging his feet. “Did you text that number?”

Kuroo stood up suddenly. “No.”

Akaashi frowned and stood up beside him. “Why not?”

“There was an error saving the number into my phone.”

Akaashi motioned for Kuroo to continue. “Yes, I remember.”

“Apparently you can’t save your own number.” Kuroo said with a smile that was full of pathos.

It took Akaashi longer than he’d care to admit to realize what Kuroo had admitted to. “ _What_?”

Kuroo turned toward him again. “Wait, are all these jokes too basic for you? Because I see no reaction.”

Akaashi gaped at him.

“Salt made a pun joke and it was Sodium funny.” Kuroo was a little more hesitant with the second joke.

Akaashi took a step back and Kuroo’s frown deepened. It continued to deepen until Akaashi clutched his jacket and stepped toward him again. “More.”

“Titanium is an amorous metal. When it gets hot, it will combine with anything!” Kuroo lifted his hand and then they were each grasping cloth at the elbow of the other’s jacket. “What do you do with a sick chemist?” Kuroo paused for effect. “If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.”

Akaashi covered his mouth with his free hand at the first sign of laughter that erupted from his mouth. Kuroo’s eyes lit up.

“What happened to the man stopped for having sodium chloride and a 9-volt in his car?” Akaashi was already diffusing into an endless mess of laughter. “He was booked for a salt and battery.”

Akaashi gripped Kuroo’s other elbow and his laughter started to turn into something else. Something beyond sobbing. Kuroo pulled Akaashi against him and held on tightly until their knees weakened from expending so much energy while they cried. They collapsed into the sand together as they tried to get their breathing under control. 

Akaashi gasped for breaths, burying his face in the warmth of Kuroo’s over-sized sweater clad chest. “You- you-” Akaashi released a slow, controlled breath. “You’re my _Savior_.”

“Huh?”

Akaashi reached into his pocket and showed Kuroo his name in his phone. 

For the first time since they had met, Kuroo smiled. It was something bright and soft and genuine, something Akaashi wanted to keep to himself but also something that should be shared with the world. 

Kuroo winced when he realized how small the world truly was as he saw his panicked messages in Akaashi’s inbox. “I was texting my roommate and your text popped up. I just kept typing and wasn’t really paying attention to who the messages were going to. I’m sorry for ghosting you the next few days after-”

“It’s fine. I-I probably would have as well.” Akaashi closed his eyes and leaned against Kuroo again, the taller man tightening his grip around Akaashi. “You conquered something I could never do myself- making others better when you couldn’t do the same for yourself. It’s admirable, Tetsurou. So admirable.”

“Keiji… if you're anything like me, and I think you might be, you won’t believe this but I hope you know that these little meetings have changed my life.” Kuroo murmured the words softly into Akaashi’s hair. “That night- that first night- I-”

“I know. I know.” Akaashi responded.

“Maybe-”

“-we can help-”

“-we can. We can.” Kuroo agreed.

Akaashi hugged Kuroo in the sand and decided that having company made him not want to think about the end for the first time in _years_.


End file.
